I'll never forget February 10, 2010. This day marked a cross-road for my life. The nurse called my name to come back for my routine well-woman exam, which of course is preceded by dropping off my "specimen." Waiting in the room to take vitals, the nurse re-appeared with a huge grin on her face. "Guess what," she said. I looked up at her in total disbelief of her next words, "You're pregnant."
All I could say was, "Oh, my God...." over and over again. She asked if I was going to be ok. I nodded, but was completely in shock. You see, I had been involved with someone for a very brief time, and I already knew that that relationship wasn't going anywhere. On top of that, I had just celebrated my 43rd birthday, and I knew how risky a pregnancy would be. Immediately, due to the high risk, they transferred me to the OB room, since I was no longer considered a GYN patient. There the doctor performed an ultrasound which clearly confirmed the tiny little being growing inside of me. The doctor, still knowing I was in shock, said that everything was up to me. If I wanted to terminate the pregnancy, she would recommend a clinic to go to. My reaction without hesitation was that I absolutely wouldn't even consider having an abortion. I knew in my heart of hearts that abortion couldn't be an option if I truly believe what I believe. Honestly though, since I had had a previous miscarriage 10 years prior, I didn't expect this pregnancy to last.
Each week I continued seeing the doctor and having ultrasounds. To my surprise, everything kept progressing just fine. I went through the next several weeks not sharing my condition with anyone. Worried about what people would think, I found myself withdrawing a bit to try to sort things out. I still thought that the likelihood of making it through the first trimester was slim to none. And then.... I started thinking about "options.....Options" I would have NEVER considered, except for the fear that was in my heart. How could I tell my parents? my teenage daughters? my business associates? my church family? What would people say or think with my background coming from the music ministry? Fortunately, two songs just came to me that I hadn't thought about for so very long...the first, Dan Hill's "Unborn Heart" and Kathy Trocoli's "A Baby's Prayer." Now as a believer, I know there was NO coincidence that those songs popped into my head. There was also NO coincidence that I found them on youtube with various videos depicting visions of developing babies inside and outside the womb. My girls were always in the other room when I played these songs over and over, not knowing why I was listening and watching these videos. Thank God I was reminded that babies are always blessings, even in difficult situations.
More resolved than ever, I knew that this baby was definitely a reality that I would soon need to face. At about 14 weeks, after the first trimester and Nuchal test to rule out Down's, I shared the news with my family. This happened on Easter Sunday. My father said he already knew. My petite stature had changed quite a bit already. My girls were ecstatic....my mom and sister, not so much....my father, always supportive. There was just one problem. The doctor had told me that everything looked great on that Nuchal sonogram, but after I had shared with everyone the news about the baby, I received a horrifying call. The doctor wanted to tell me that based on my age, blood work, and sonogram, I tested positive for Down's. As I listened more, she explained that the odds were 1 in 14 chance that the baby I was carrying had Down's. Then the roller coaster of emotions began....
I never shared those odds with my family. Determined to carry the baby no matter what, I told the genetic counselor and high-risk pregnancy doctor that I did not want to have an amniocentesis test performed. What difference would it make anyway? I would not consider terminating the pregnancy. And the small risk for miscarriage seemed too great for me to go through the procedure. But I have to say it would have been nice to know for sure what I was dealing with right then, rather than the waiting and wondering. Fortunately, a good friend and spiritual mentor of mine, Tom Davis, reminded me of his Healing CD. I listened regularly to these inspirational songs interlaced with scriptures. They really helped me cope during this eternal waiting game. Then I changed my mindset, as much as I could, to remind myself that the baby had a 13 out of 14 chance of being perfectly fine.
As the weeks passed, my family became less shamed and more supportive. My business associates and friends also surrounded us with care and compassion. At about 24 weeks, however, I started developing complications resulting in pre-labor contractions. The end result.... partial bed rest. I had to be in a horizontal position, except for when I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I was told to stay off my feet as much as possible. Wow... I had such a long way to go. After several trips over the next weeks to the hospital to get the contractions under control, I was finally taken off bedrest at 37 weeks. The funny thing was that I still had to wait until just four days before my due date to be induced. And then, the wait was over. On October 12, 2010, with my older girls by my side, I gave birth to an incredibly beautiful baby girl, perfectly healthy from head to toe.
Feeling a huge sense of relief.... I knew that the real work had just begun. Thank goodness I had found a vehicle that allowed me the opportunity to have income even while on bed rest and while adjusting to new motherhood. It's such a blessing to be able to care for my daughter personally instead of sending her to daycare in order to go back to work. Life truly was meant to be lived each day, and if you can make a living, living, then you've got it made in the shade.
